As I move forward to running head on into parts of my past that have seem to have some underlining control on my present state, I am lucky enough to have friends who take some steps to helping me. My best friend Jessica found this for me, she wanted to read it, but I declined noting I needed to read it myself. I want to share this with you, as it does a good job of putting some of the basic struggles I experienced, and the confusion I am left with in writing for others to see what I am working with. Sigh..... So many unanswered questions, most that I will never know, but I will not ever be okay with my path until I take some initiative in researching what was of my family, where it started to go wrong, who my mother was, who my father was, their relationship, their families influence on their relationship and so on...... and the journey seems to currently have a purpose.
"Where do I begin"?
My eyes are opening, my heart is fluctuating, I am scared, but I am brave.
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Angie Acebal Knowles was killed 20 Mar 1996 at Christiansburg, Montgomery Co., Virginia by her estranged husband Michael Knowles
FRIENDS REMEMBER A TROUBLED MARRIAGE
March 21, 1996. Page: A1
A few years ago when a friend described herself as a single mother, Angie Knowles responded, ``I'm a single mother who's married.''A cadre of Knowles' female friends gathered at the hospital Wednesday morning to offer support to her four children, her mother and each other. They stood in a small semi-circle sharing glimpses of Knowles' character, life and the signals of her impending death. Tears streamed from some of the women's eyes with each recollection, others stood frozen by the morning's shock. Lenore Jackson of Christiansburg reached under her glasses to wipe her eyes and said, ``She just wanted some peace, that's all she said to me.'' Knowles' search for peace sprung from a troubled 22-year marriage to a man she described to her friends as abusive - both physically and mentally. As recently as Saturday, Jackson said, Michael Knowles showed up at his estranged wife's home to deliver child-support money. He requested an electric screwdriver. Angie Knowles asked him to remain outside while she got the screwdriver, but he entered and left with their computer. Jackson said Michael Knowles had two more computers at home and only took his wife's to hurt her again. Friends said Angie Knowles' domestic troubles were not reflected in her personality. ``She was the most fun, delightful and cheerful person,'' said Kathy Habeeb of Christiansburg. Habeeb, however, said only one word describes Michael Knowles - ``monster.'' Angie Knowles, who was 43, was an active member of four PTAs and helped coach her sons' soccer and baseball teams as well as her daughter's softball and basketball teams. She helped begin the high school's post-prom party in 1990 and continued to work on the alcohol-free event. Friends recalled images of her in a station wagon with a load of children headed to a sporting event. Her father, who died last month, attended many of the games with her. He offered support to his daughter, grandchildren and other children in his native Spanish. Angie Acebal-Knowles arrived in New York City with her family from Spain when she was a child. ``She was always willing to help us in any way," said Art Price, director of the Christiansburg Department of Parks and Recreation. "She was one of those types of parents who lived to make life enjoyable for her kids.'' Knowles' children - John Michael, a James Madison University student; Vanessa, a high school senior; Dylan, a ninth-grader; and Ryan, a seventh-grader - have no one to turn to now, Jackson and Habeeb said. ``They are all alone except for friends,'' Habeeb said. Betty Ashbrook, one of Angie Knowles' closest friends, has opened her home to the children for now, friends said. Before she moved a month ago, Knowles took care of others' children at her home. Debby Barbour, whose son Aaron used to be in her day care, said Knowles did wonders. She said when Aaron sees anyone misbehaving, he says, "That would make Angie very sad if you did that." Connie Lowe, the Christiansburg High School PTA president, said Knowles kept people laughing no matter what the problem. "A lot of us fell back on Angie's humor and her smile," she said. "I don't have that now, [Michael Knowles has] robbed me of that. For whatever reason, he's taken that from me." Michael Knowles, being held without bond in the county jail Wednesday night, was born and raised in Christiansburg. After attending Virginia Western Community College for two years, he joined the Navy and met his future bride in New York City. They moved to Christiansburg when Angie Knowles became pregnant with her first child because "he didn't want to raise children in Brooklyn," said Pat Horne, Michael Knowles' sister. Horne said her brother worked two or three jobs to support not only his wife and children, but Angie Knowles' brother and parents, who lived with them for many years. "I know Angie is well thought of and she achieved a great deal, but she couldn't have done it without him working so hard to support them," Horne said. Eventually, Knowles dropped his other jobs and worked full time for the post office, delivering mail on the rural roads of Craig Mountain. Christiansburg Postmaster Arthur Duarte said the 19-year veteran was quiet, but dedicated. "He cares a lot about his customers," he said. "I wish all my employees were as conscientious as Michael." Horne, who is part owner in the Richardson-Horne Funeral Home in Christiansburg, said she and her brother have never been close. Still, she knew there were a lot of problems in his marriage. She said his family had been in an upheaval and he left for his trip to Israel to try to "find himself and try to get things back to an even keel." When he returned, on Valentine's Day, Angie Knowles had moved out. Horne said the family "expected him to kill himself because he was so distraught, but never did we dream he would take someone else's life." She said she thought her brother had accepted the separation; he had an appointment Wednesday with a lawyer and had put his house up for sale. She said he wanted to be a part of his children's lives, but would never try to take the children away from Angie Knowles. "I think he just snapped," she said, closing her eyes. "What he did was wrong and it's devastating to everyone. ... He'll suffer his entire life for this and then by the hand of God." Michael Knowles wrote stories as a hobby, and sent several letters to the editor of The Roanoke Times. Letters published in the newspaper encouraged the government to take a larger role in childrens' health care coverage, praised the movie "Schindler's List" for its educational value for children and suggested, possibly tongue-in-cheek, that the more effective way to beat Iraq during the Gulf War was to hypnotize the Iraqis with American soap operas. "All I really know is this:" he wrote in another letter, "once you judge another you invariably have to judge yourself, and nobody is perfect." "Try to remember that the next time you get upset. And for those lucky few who can forgive, Peace."
Staff writer Ray Cox contributed to this story.
March 21, 1996. Page: C2
ACEBAL-KNOWLES, Angelina, 43, of Christiansburg, died Wednesday, March 20, 1996. Arrangements by McCoy Funeral Home, Blacksburg.
SUPER MOM WILL BE MISSED
March 22, 1996. Page: NRV-1
Christiansburg folks knew Angie Knowles as that "little bitty woman driving the station wagon full of kids."She was only 4 feet 11, but everyone looked up to her.Mostly, we admired Angie for her commitment to her work. She had the most important job in the world and she excelled at it.She was a mom.Actually, a super mom.Many times I picked up a ringing phone to hear Angie's distinctive voice on the other end. She spoke with rapid enthusiasm and with a hint of...
AFTERMATH: DESTRUCTION, RESTORATION
March 30, 1996. Page: NRV-1
LISA K. GARCIA STAFF WRITER
The four children of Angie Knowles have faced many adult choices since a shotgun blast took her life 10 days ago. ``We just have to start having some family meetings and make some decisions," said John-Michael Knowles, the eldest and a 21-year-old junior at James Madison University. "Our goal is to stay together.'' The siblings - Vanessa, a Christiansburg High School senior; Dylan, a ninth-grader; and Ryan, a seventh-grader at Christiansburg Middle School - know John-Michael must finish college, he said. ``That's my role in this,'' he said. Their father, Michael Knowles, has been charged with murder, malicious wounding and two charges of attempted malicious wounding of a police officer. He was also charged with breaking and entering to commit malicious wounding and two firearms violations. He is being held in the Montgomery County Jail. He and Angie Knowles were estranged at the time of the attack. ``That one act destroyed and restored my faith in humanity,'' John-Michael Knowles said Wednesday. John-Michael said the restoration came when people banded together to raise money, offer advice and open their homes to his family. The financial outpouring started with an escrow account at First National Bank opened only hours after Angie Knowles' death by Fred Newhouse, a longtime family friend and senior vice president and branch administrator of the Christiansburg office. ``I saw an immediate need for the family; basically they lost their mother and father simultaneously,'' Newhouse said. He said the account is meant to address immediate expenses the children face like college bills and Vanessa Knowles' cap and gown for graduation. ``I'm extremely pleased with the response,'' Newhouse said. ``I would hope that interest would continue.'' John-Michael Knowles said he hopes the community support continues, too. ``I am so thankful for this community,'' he said. ``They've just gone above and beyond. I just can't imagine a family going through this without it.'' Knowles sat in the living room of a close family friend Wednesday and talked about his family and the days after his mother's death. His baggy jeans, loose flannel shirt and baseball cap are those of any typical college student. His words expose his maturity. It is a maturity he credits mostly to his mother's guidance and, in part, to the recent tragedy. ``My sister and I were talking about it and it's hard to swallow your pride and ask for help; my mother raised us to be independent,'' he said. He tugged at his baseball cap and looked out the window. The day's fading light hugged his face. ``It's hard to grow up overnight,'' Knowles said. Ever since their mother's death, the Knowles children have had to make many decisions. Knowles said they are fortunate that their mother had so many close friends who have been able to offer advice, emotional support and a place to stay. The children arranged the funeral and both John-Michael and Vanessa shared their feelings during eulogies they wrote and presented. Now they are meeting with people who can tell them what their options are for the future. They've contacted social services, a lawyer and others who can tell them what resources are available. They are gathering information to empower themselves, John-Michael Knowles said. ``I keep a notebook with all the things I need to know ... the different options,'' he said of the enormous amount of information he and his siblings have had to absorb. ``You take everything stable in your life and then it's gone,'' he said. ``We have no place to call home.'' Knowles said members of what he calls his second home - James Madison University - where he is majoring in public relations with a minor in business, have been completely supportive. The president of the college is working to explore options for finishing the semester through the mail and his fraternity brothers are raising money as well as offering emotional support. ``I know frats have a bad reputation and people say they never do anything, but when I looked out and saw 70 of my brothers at the funeral, that was great," he said. Knowles said he used to plan everything in advance. He liked to look to the future and map things out. Now he says he is coping by not looking too far ahead. To say it is overwhelming is an awesome understatement, he said. ``I make little goals and little lists and when I accomplish something I can feel good. I can only take it one day at a time,'' he said. Knowles, his sister and two younger brothers are coping. He said the reality of what has happened has not entirely hit them yet. ``We're getting through it together.''
A SON'S EULOGY FOR HIS MOTHER
March 30, 1996. Page: NRV1
This is an excerpt of John-Michael Knowles' eulogy for his mother, titled "Where do I Begin?" He read it before hundreds of people at her funeral a week ago.It's hard to say everything you want to tell a person in this lifetime, in only a few minutes. I want to begin by telling you what my mom meant to me and my brothers and sister.Never have I, nor will I ever, meet someone as special as my mom ... I have never known a woman to be everything to so many people. I have never known a woman to face so many trials and tribulations and continue on with a smile. I have never known a woman to always see the good in people, and always put the thoughts and needs of others in front of her own, on a daily basis. My mom believes in us when no one else would. She tells us to never settle for mediocrity. She opens our eyes to worlds that we have never dreamed of. She shows us things that we never knew existed. She loves us more than we ever thought possible. She gives us the drive, ambition and emotion to not to be scared to try! She gives us the backbone, support and caring to not to be scared to fail! She instills in us her values, dreams, understanding of the way life was, is and most importantly, should be. She is our confidant, motivation, role model and best friend. She truly is our everything. However, the intrinsic strength that our mom possessed lives on within each of us. And we will make it ... because that is what she would want. We all are suffering, grieving and hurting ... Everyone including myself is looking for answers, however, there are none to be found. We constantly ask ourselves: Why now? Why her? And most importantly - why did this have to happen? I don't really know what to say, believe, think or even feel; to make the pain subside. I look around the room and everyone is hurting because my mom is gone. She has touched so many lives, in so many different ways, that it makes us want to stop the world and fix the injustice that has just occurred. However, we must realize that what my mom gave is everlasting. It cannot be taken away by anyone or any horrible act. When the dust settles and the phones stop ringing, that is when our true battle begins, and when the onset of pain is intensified, but it is only then that we as a family and community must come together because that is where our strength lies. I want to share with you what my mom would say if she had a chance. Realize that you only have one chance in life and you never know how long that time may last. Give that hug, mend that relationship and tell that person you care, and make the most out of every day because tomorrow is not that far away, and no one knows what tomorrow holds. That would be my mom's advice because that is the way she lived life! Any of you that know me can look in my eyes and see that I am hurting badly inside and I miss her so, so much. All I want is to talk to her once more and for her to give me a hug, and tell me that everything is going to all right. I wish that she could shield me from the darkness as she always did in my youth. But regretfully she can't do these things any more. But she will always live on through the hopes, dreams, accomplishments of myself and my family and because of that: She will always live on in my eyes.
KNOWLES FAMILY EXPRESSES GRATITUDE
June 16, 1996. Page: NRV-2
Since the tragic loss of our mother, Angie Acebal-Knowles, there has been overwhelming kindness and support for us from this community. The simple gestures of kindness are too numerable to list. Our family is greatly appreciative of every thought, prayer and deed that has been offered to help us through this trying time. We have not had the opportunity to express our gratitude to each individual who has been there for us. We hope you will accept this letter as a token of our appreciation. We wanted to let you each know that there were no acts of kindness that went unnoticed, no matter how great or small. We are each trying to continue on in our daily lives to the best of our ability. The support you have each given us on a continuing basis has helped us tremendously to begin the healing process. We have come to need each of you to rebuild our faith and our future. We hope you will stay by us in the days and years to come. We cannot imagine traveling the new road our lives have taken without your support. We would like to thank each of you who have contributed to our trust fund established at First National Bank of Christiansburg. The consistent monthly pledges have helped us tremendously to make it through this time. We offer our heartfelt thanks for your generosity and commitment to our future through your donations. We, as a family, hope that you will look at your own family and realize how precious life is. Please use our loss to strengthen the bonds between yourself and those you love. As you have demonstrated these past few months, the positive impact of a united, loving community is truly a treasure. We are so fortunate to live in a town of people who exemplify the very best qualities of caring human beings. We are forever grateful to each and every one of you for caring enough to make such a difference in our lives.
John-Michael, Vanessa, Dylan and Ryan Knowles
Christiansburg
