I Am Scared I Know What Will Happen.

This seems powerful. There is certainly something lurking at or in me. I am falling to depression while loosing faith in humanity for good. I feel trapped in my own sulking, and am constantly looking at the actions of others as dissapointing. The selfishness, the unaware, the unhealthy, the fake, the material, the pretensions of the so called cool, and the hypocritical state of them all.... including me. My movements have always been slow in the early morning, and now they seem to be paralyzing as I go to bed with intention of rising early, but failing and falling to the stressful dreams that nuke me with anxieties of the past still swimming in my subconsciousness. I am tired. I am scared. This world seems to be losing, and I am often disappointed that I have empathy and sensitivity to things around me. At this point it seems to be doing nothing be wearing me down and making me weak. My best friend think I need to turn it into art, but I am exhausted with my own doubt, and people constantly let me down, but mostly myself. The financial burdens are layered on me and make me feel worthless and small. I need a miracle, or at least another job. I miss my family. I am worried about my brother closest in age. He is suffering beyond what I can imagine, and as a result this makes me feel selfish and weak. As though I should be able to be strong enough to figure it out, and thrive..... yet I sit with a state of loneliness and missing attention and love. Wanting to believe that I know I have plenty of it, but at the end of the day I now ignore myheart and block out any attempt of feeling frightened by watching television to avoid the face to face interactions with my doubts and fears. I am my biggest critic, I am my biggest tormenter, my most difficult obstacle, and a sad sad boy who feels hopeless sometimes. I am scared. I do not know where to go. It seems tragedy is certain, and I will end up the dissapointment that I brought upon myself. How horrible, how sad. I pray to the universe to please show me some guidance   , some strength, something to help me find joy within myself an quit comparing myself to others. Please keep me in mind, this is a tough spot to be in.