I should think less about myself, wait what?

So many people come into your life. Hundreds of thousands. You have to keep the door open to let them in, but that also means you have to let them go. It is a revolving door. I wish so many people have stayed in my life, but I know there is no ownership of anybody but yourself. 

I just arrived in San Francisco after a marvelous coastal train ride. Bitter sweet this train ride was, as it is my last train to a destination that is not Denver. I will shrug that one off so I do not mourn that the trip is almost over and have that interfere with my experience here. This is the city I first fell in love with 8 years ago. I blew it last time, I really did. This time should be something else, but who cares. It will be what it will be. I look forward to catching up with my dear friend Johnny. One of the craziest, intelligent, pretty, clustered, friend I have ever had. I admire the guy. He has some sick determination yet somehow carries a soft heart. He is a writer at heart, but I do not think he writes enough. I plan on writing at the parks, an artwalk, and maybe the classic Haight district. I will meet up with the originator of the custom poems on a spot idea, his name is Zack Houston. I am excited about that. Apparently I have tickets to see my favorite House DJ Claude Von Stroke, and dates to stay in Oakland and San Francisco. Surely I will be too busy to put it all together, but I am trying to approach these situations these days with less judgement, and lighter, softer, and bigger eyes. I want to be gentle in my love and admiration for this travel. For this life, and for those that flock in and out of faded vision of a dream. I cry often these days. Well not often, but more often. Still I am hesitant to let myself be vulnerable enough to allow every other person I cross paths with to see this. When this happens I am afraid I might be failing at being as RAW as I can. I should just be less hard on myself and enjoy the moment. 

A sigh of relief comes over me.

I think it is scary to know how much work I have to do let myself heal. It turns out this trip is about that. Learning to let myself heal. I think of days when I can put a photo of my mother in the Temple at Burning Man and watch it go up in flames. This is to symbolize letting go, or saying goodbye to something. I love the concept and it is probably my main reason for wanting to go to the Burn. 

Is it relative to try and capture all of these epic moments that have come over me on this trip? Am I so caught up in thinking I need to understand what is surrpounding me when it is that I am actually forgetting to let the moment happen? 

Stop it Ryan. 

Something good about this moment.

I think I will just go and face myself for the day. 

Give myself a chance to shut the fuck up.

Maybe even laugh at the idea that everything is ok.

And breath out the anxiety that strikes me a little to hard at times of uncertainty.