Farm thoughts.

I love my family, but I am different.

We are all very different. I however am the most different. This is ok. I have come to except it, and not let their confused eyes disappoint me, because they are not disappointed.... they just do not understand. Sometimes I wish I was as simple minded. My deep-set soul has caused a lot of harm onto myself, and often times I wish it was easier. This is not to say their life's were any easier then mine, I just know my personality runs heavier then most. That is all I will say about my family for now, other then they are incredibly supportive of my journey at this moment..... that makes me happy.

Childs play:

I was just having a moment.

I was listening to my 2 year old nephew talk to himself while attempting to fall asleep. I briefly could remember what it was like to be a toddler, or a child and be so entertained by you. I want to have that even as an adult, that bliss is something I lost and need to regain. The idea of always being entertained by your mind, your eyes, your dreams and your imagination.... it is possible.

Stuggles with organization:

I have a lot of shit. A lot! Like 3 bags, and a roll cart with Untouched Poetry material. It is a pain to get around, especially the subways and busy streets. I have already lost my credit card, a piece of jewelry I just got, and a article of clothing I love.... I don't know how I do it, but I do, and it sucks.... I lose shit easily when in motion. Stresses me out.

Farm life:

I am staying with my sister and her husband and child. They live on a farm. It is beautiful, quite, peaceful, and slow. I like it. It is the perfect break before I take on the big bad city of New York. A city that I am intimidated by, despite my mothers deep roots with it. I am scared to be trying to move along the city with all my shit, not yet having found a place to stay for my whole time there. I am sure it will be okay, but yes I will admit I am nervous.



But I got this. Just don't get sloppy, pace yourself and know you are strong enough to exist in the worlds capital. Take chances, but not stupid ones. Open eyes, and do not take anything personal.... it is New York. With that, add some love, and some romance, show the big city what your big heart can do. No need to run from this fear, embrace it..... you will become wiser and stronger as a result. Now breath.... you have got this.

I just wrote a mantra on accident.

I need my rest now. I need solid dreams, and by body to not be a ball of stiffness when I wake. I need to rest and prepare to take on the world inside then outside my head.